An Unpredictable Life.


     In the summer of 2017, the end of the board exams marked the end of six years of high school. In these six years, I made friends and even considered some to be my “best friends”. These were just a very few who I cared deeply for, more than I could care about myself, but in the blink of an eye these friendships that I really held dear to me broke down so quickly, they made me question the genuinity of them all.

     People who called themselves my best friends began hanging out with people who I would avoid. And while all this took place, somewhere down the line, one friendship that mattered the most to me was lost. There was no definite breaking point, just radio silence, one which was deathly cold. I never could figure out the reason for this no matter how much I tried.  The not knowing why really hurt and I began blaming myself. I began thinking that maybe something was wrong with me, maybe I wasn’t good enough to be a friend. That’s when the self-hate and all those insecurities lurking in the shadows pounced on me.

     I know that many of you will think of me as someone who is immature or too emotional. What I can say I was, was simply naïve. Too naïve that I thought that all those friends I really cared for and valued, felt the same towards me but I guess that wasn’t the case.  

     I think what I’ve learnt from all this is probably to be my own best friend. I’ve learnt that nobody else could possibly understand me and accept me truly than me, myself and I. This is something that of late, numerous people talk about. They say you need to love yourself for who you are. When you look into a mirror you need to accept what you see. 

     Honestly, I think it is easier said than done. You need to be really strong and look past the elements you deem unlovable in yourself. You can be plus- sized or have the best figure in the world and still have insecurities, but you need to ultimately realise that these flaws and imperfections make you who you are. They make you unique and different from everyone else. How boring it would be if we all looked like Zendaya or Vidya Balan (I have no problem whatsoever with these women, in fact I feel that they are incredibly strong and are amazing at what they do).

     When it comes to relationships and friendships, I think that even if we do lose some, it probably is for the best. Life works in mysterious ways and who knows, maybe those people aren’t the best ones to be in your life. As my mother says, “if someone is meant to be in your life and you do lose the relationship or friendship, one day, somewhere down the line, maybe even in 10 years to come, your paths will cross, and you will reconnect”.



Comments

  1. Last para of this essay touched my heart..keep it up.
    I loved ur writing. This is inspiring.♥️

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  2. I love your blog. This one i connected a lot too because i used to have "friends" like that. Thank you for writing this, it really helped me :)

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    Replies
    1. Wow! I know this reply comes four years after your comment, but I'm glad I could help you out in a little way! :)

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