June

Image Credit:Madushanka Bandara on Unsplash

Now, as she listens to the low hum of the rain before seeing the falling of a thousand little pearls, she tries not to think about when she first discovered this magic. It's stunning what the mind can latch on to without warning or prior intimation. How a single fact of hearing the rain before seeing it can make the heart race despite having no lingering feelings.  

     Now, as she listens to the rumbling thunder from above, she envisions herself as that little girl turning away, running for shelter as the raindrops skipped merrily on her skin. She longs not for the company she had but for that feeling of carefree abandonment, to turn away without looking back, to wear that smile without second-guessing, and to briefly forget what she was leaving behind.

     Her eyes fill up with flashes of lightning across the cemetery sky, echoing sparks that existed deep within, once upon a time. Now replaced with un-mouldable ash, she wades through the abyss, hunting for the slightest ripple that may wreck the surface. She hopes it is dead, not lying dormant, only to spring back to life upon contact. The newfound space makes her lighter, even if just by a little bit—a space existing within her sunless chasm of benevolence and depravity, held together by restless musing and apathy. 

     Tasked with soldiering through a barren terrain, constant flashbacks of dazing lights and deafening machines wrapped in bleached air walk along in unison. So it's easy to comprehend the misconstrued emotions and feelings circling the haven that assumed a genuine concern. But on days in June when the sky auditions for roles in gothic movies and the doom spelt out in weather brings her solace, she recognises the unspectacular slackening of nostalgic ardour.

     Amidst this realisation comes the fervent need to persevere through the downpour, acknowledging the bitter cold that comes with it, not in trepidation of the inevitable or blatant disregard of it. Not in half-hearted acceptance or aloofness but in solemn comprehension of possibilities and the ability to constantly question and negate everything that acts as an obstacle to her path.